There seems to be a famine in the motivation department of my life. There is just nothing there. I am well aware that I have to (and I mean HAVE TO) finish two essays before 1 o'clock tomorrow, and yet I cannot seem to start them. I can't. There is no gunpowder in my knickers that is going to get my ass in gear. Instead, I am sitting here, clicking. Compulsively clicking sites that I have been to four dozen times today. There's nothing new on them. But there MIGHT be if I click now!! Or even now!! How about now!?
Trips to the nearby Starbucks helps very little as well. "Oh, I'll just go and grab a coffee and then come back and plow through these." I come back 10 minutes later. "Oh, I can afford to watch an episode of "Scrubs" while I drink this." 22 minutes later: "Oh, I think I'll see if anything has happened on the internet lately." 2 hours later: "Oh, I'm well aware that I have been on this site a billion times today, but now I'm actually reading everything on it!! Oh, click there?? Sure!!"
I've become inebriated with nothingness. That state of comatose where nothing matters in the least and am completely aware of it. An entire weekend full of bullshit and zero productivity. Just putting it off and putting it off. And my wish is that I would beat the shit out of myself after typing all of this out and posting it, but I'm still well aware that after I hit "publish post" I will need to get food in my stomach, because who can work on an empty body?? Then, the food will lead to more procrastination and time will just tick and tock right off the clock and pretty soon, the sun will be rising and I'll be sitting here, wallowing in my own disgusting pity and hatred that I didn't get this shit done and finished.
Fuck.
Someone, out there in that virtual world (of which I apparently can't get enough of) save me from the abyss. This shit has to get done. And obviously, I am no help to myself.
P.S. That ended up being a little too dramatic I think... I guess I was testing to make sure my creative pencil still worked.
P.P.S. It does.
2 comments:
Wade- I do exactly the same thing; set up my workspace, sit down and then say to myself, "I'll just get a tea first", go into the kitchen and grab toast as well. Come back, think- "Well, I can't eat and write" so I watch an episode of party of five... which is an hour long. After that I know I have to work, but I figure I may as well check facebook and blogs and email first just so it doesn't tempt me later. Then, I look at the clock and realize dinner is very soon... so I amy as well start afterwards.
Sigh sigh psyduck.
Don't worry- i the long run it doesn't really matter.
Hang in there big guy. You can do it!
Also, the other day when I commented on a blog I got "choawdy" as a the word verification. New slang word? I think so. It sounds a little JFK to me.
Post a Comment